Monday, August 24, 2009

Another song that is my life.

(A Better Son/Daughter, by Rilo Kiley)

Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs
I know I can't breathe
And hope someone will save me this time
And your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
That god never blessed her insides
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
Crawl back into bed to dream of a time When your heart was open wide and you love things just because
Like the sick and dying

And sometimes when you're on
You're really fuckin' on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fuckin' cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
You'll be better
And You'll be smarter
And More grown up
and a better daughter
or son
And a real good friend
And you'll be awake
You'll be alert
You'll be positive
though it hurts

And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest

You'll be brave.
You'll be handsome
and you'll

You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
And your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of em

Ben Gibbard, you know my life.

I haven't felt this way in a while, but I used too; Very prominently. I was just laying in my bed listening to iTunes on shuffle, and this song came on (Someday You Will Be Loved, by Death Cab):

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
'Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And every time tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

(^^^I'm going to tell myself over and over, as many times as i need to.)

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

suck it.

I thought I was over it. I NEED to be over it. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO. I want to move to Florida in the fall, which is a spectacular possibility. "drink all daaaaaaaay, play all niiiiiiiiiiiiight (i'm in miami, bitchhhh)".

I don't even understand why I feel like this...

I just want my tattoo, and many more afterward... My body will become a canvas for artists everywhere, my bare skin is becoming annoying and just... unnecessary, for lack of a better word ;


My iPod is still gone, I want a new one.
Enveloping myself in music is the only thing I can think of that may trick me into believing that everything is going to be ok.

everything is going to be ok.

keep the w i n d at your back and the sun on your f a c e.

keep the wind at your BACK and the sun on your face.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

just some fave fails, etc.


Why is it that I only attract less than attractive males? I honestly thought I was OK looking at least, but for some reason, nasty losers and guys I have no interest in are forever hitting on me. Is that conceited? YEAH IT IS. BUT. Whatever, dude I honestly don't understand why I can't be pulling hotter dick. Oh, also, if a hot guy is interested, he has had or continues to have sexual relations with fugly bitches. OHHH MAAA GAHHHHH. HELP, I NEED SOME INSIGHT.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

reminiscing about exactly three years ago today.

just one of those days that will stay with you forever.

finally able to look back and appreciate my happier times, rather than dwell on them.


Thursday, June 4, 2009


my camera is still gone. i've been having continuous panic attacks since. i don't know what to do, my camera was how i thrived daily. i need 800 dollars. good fucking luck, right?